- Today is the one year anniversary of Tag's death.
- Already.
- It is so very difficult for me to believe
- I have been without him for this long.
- Yet, here I am.
- Without him.
I have had several dogs throughout my lifetime...and all of them have been special to me. In their own way. But, don't you know...that brown boy grabbed hold of a larger place in my heart than any other...and certainly more than I ever could have imagined.
I do not often speak of TagEButt...reason being that it has been almost impossible to do so without crying. Until just recently.
I really thought that it would be easier to leave him behind. To have this new apartment in this new location be a place that he had never been. Wow. My imagination just didn't leave that alone. Not. At. All. For many months after moving here, I saw him in every single spot that one would imagine him being. On the new chair ottomans (after shoving the numerous pillows out of his way, of course). In the new corner behind my chair. Squeezed under the new dining table. Under the light table in the sewing room. Those flashes of seeing him here only made me miss him more.
For a very long time after last September 7, I knew that I would never have another dog. The pain was that sharp...the grief that deep. Proven again..."grief is the price we pay for love". (click here)
A sort of chronological progress....
*On the day Tag died, I could only write:
My laughter.
My heart.
My always.
*In December, I wrote:
I have said this before...upon the loss of another of my dogs..."Grief is the price we pay for love." It remains true today.
I think it does not help one little bit that I am dogless...with no dog by my side. Before, there was always another one there to help me get through the pain and the loss.
Would I give up the 13 years of being with Tag to not feel what I feel now...grief so great that it feels as if I am wrapped in it? No. Absolutely not. The time I had with Tag was priceless. He was the best spur of the 'yes, I'll take him' moment ever. Ever. And, once I am able to tuck him deep within my heart...to always be there with me, I'll be able to smile instead of cry with thoughts of him.
As it is now...it is difficult to breathe. With almost every thought I have of him, I am on the verge of crying. Not just 'tears in my eyes' crying, but sobbing that completely overwhelms me. I miss him with every breath I take...
*In March, I wrote:
Tango was my calm.
Cruiser was my love.
Allegra was my joy.
Tag...well, Tag was my laughter.
And, my heart.
Which continues to weep.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.". Jeremiah 29:11
