The Good...The Bad...& The Sad

...not necessarily in that order.

First, the bad, I guess...though it's not 'the end of the world' bad.

I don't know if I have mentioned this before...probably not. Tag has been having seizures...not your typical grand mal seizure, but he does exhibit ataxia, stiffness, & disorientation. He actually had one grand mal seizure back when he was 2 years old, but nothing since...at least, as far as I know. Until December 19. And December 25. And January 23. I finally had blood drawn for a serum chemistry to rule out metabolic causes. Of course, everything was normal. Claire (vet & friend) and I have been keeping track of this together. Diagnosis: Idiopathic Epilepsy (seizure disorder that has no identifiable cause).

I knew I would have to put him on drugs...but was in a bit of denial, methinks. Until the other night when he had another seizure & fell off the bed. If you've never watched an animal seizure, consider yourself lucky...it's very difficult to watch. Bad enough when I worked in CCU, but watching your own dog is something else. Gives a whole new meaning to the word, 'helpless'. Once he's back to normal, he is completely normal..."Mama, where's my warthog?" Anyway. Started him on phenobarbital last night...he's at the low end of the therapeutic dose.

Side effects are polydipsia (excessive thirst), polyuria (excessive urination) & polyphagia (excessive eating). Claire said that in this first week (especially), it could make him DOPEY.

Or SLEEPY...

Tag has had 2 doses now and so far, no drastic changes. We shall see how the next several days progress.

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On to the good...perhaps amusing is a better word.

I was chatting with Kim the other day and mentioned someone she had never heard me mention before. How can that be???? I guess I had never told her that I was once engaged to Dwayne, from Canada! So, I dug through boxes to find these...for your viewing pleasure! I hope you enjoy them!!! I was almost 21 years old in January of 1973 when these were taken!!! I cannot believe that I was ever that young...{sigh}
I met Dwayne at a local nightclub...he was a roadie for a band. I think it was their last night there. We talked a lot and decided that we wanted to keep in touch. So, we called (remember, back then, long distance was very expensive!) & wrote letters. Sometime after that, Dwayne (with a friend) drove to WI to spend time with me and meet my family. Here's Dwayne...I always thought he looked a bit like Neil Young.


Here we are with my niece, Jody (Toots). Dwayne and Jody were totally enamored with each other!

And, here we are with my Mom & Dad...who, by the way, thought he was pretty special! But, they were concerned, because I would be moving to Calgary, Alberta - Canada.

So, that's all for now on that!

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And, now for the sad...
It is one year ago today that I said good-bye to Cruiser.


He is forever in my heart...

Grief Is The Price We Pay For Love...

Yes, I truly believe that grief is the price we pay for love.

After reading that sentence, you may think me cynical. Not so. That sentence pertains directly to my beloved dogs. I love them completely. I know that someday I will face life without them. It is inevitable that I will mourn their loss. The time will come sooner for some...sooner than it should. Sooner than I am...or will be...ready for.

Grief...part of the healing process...is so very difficult.

When Cruiser died...when I made the decision to end his time with me, I knew it was the right decision...for him. I could not ask him to stay with me any longer when he was so sick and losing more & more of himself. I feel no guilt. Only a deep-down and abiding sadness. After 8 months, I still cannot say more than a few words of Cruiser without my eyes overflowing with tears. I miss him so. I feel an emptiness that is with me always...still.

Grief...the act of grieving is a very complicated process...and a very individual one. I surprise myself with the amount of pain I feel with his loss...the length of time it is taking me to get ‘over’ losing Cruiser. Surprise...because of my profession as a vet tech...my practical nature...because I knew the day was coming.

It takes time...am hesitating to say this because I do not wish to sound trite...but it is oh, so true. Time does heal all wounds. At least to the extent that we allow them to be healed. The day does finally arrive when it becomes easier to tuck the memories away. A day when every breath taken is not filled with sadness.

Tammy, an online friend of mine, had to make the difficult decision to end her beloved Truvy’s life this week. She is in my thoughts and prayers...I know what she is going through.

Empathy inspired this doodle of my mind.

Forever In My Heart...Cruiser's Photoshow

I tried so hard to get this loaded onto my blog last week, on the date that would have been Cruiser's 11th birthday. I kept getting an error message and it wasn't loading properly, so had to wait and try again (and again and again). I was so very disappointed that I wasn't able to share this photoshow at that time. However, when I tried loading it tonight, it worked, so here it is.

I put this photoshow together while in my deepest time of mourning Cruiser...and I do think that it helped with that process. I must have gone through an entire case of kleenex though, while putting everything together. Each photo brought back so many memories of my Cruiser.

The music is from Paul McCartney's "Ecce cor Meum" (translates to "Behold My Heart") album, which came out last fall. It took Paul several years to complete...I think the entire album is excellent! This particular section of his classical piece is called 'Interlude' (Lament)...written during the time that Paul was mourning the death of his wife, Linda. I must warn you, the music is very sad.

Thank you for watching/listening.

This Week had a lot of 'happenings'...

I guess I should have posted this last weekend. Then, you would have known about the things that were to come, instead of learning about things that have already happened.

Monday, August 20...Robert Plant celebrated his 59th birthday. Happy Birthday, Percy!

He just completed a new album with Alison Krauss! Entitled, "Raising Sand', this album will be out on October 23...cannot wait! Here's the album art...

Tuesday, August 21...this day would have been Cruiser's 11th birthday. I've been without him for almost 6 months...I miss him still...very much.

Friday, August 24...a double whammy day. This day was Manley's 6th birthday...WOOF! (Manley is my sister's dog.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DOODLEHEAD!!!

Also, this day was Robyn's last day at work! It sure was great working with her these past 5+ months! She's my son's age...but she totally 'got' me (as not everyone does)! She will be missed by all.

Cruiser

I recently heard...'grief is the price we pay for love'. I wrote it down because I didn't want to forget it...and because I believe it to be an absolute truth. You see, I lost my Cruiser this past winter and I am grieving for him still. He was a beautiful tri-factored sable and white rough collie...my loverboy. Cruiser, Cruisie, Doozy, Roozy...I miss you so.

Several years ago, Cruiser passed his HIC (herding instinct certification) with flying colors. The tester joked that one sheep must have mustard on him, as Cruiser was totally fixated on that one sheep. Here's a photo...you can just see Cruiser behind that one sheep...

Here's Cruiser last summer, having a relaxing day outside...

In January, Cruiser was diagnosed with glomerulonephritis, a fancy medical term for kidney failure. He had been having problems for about a year, but without extensive and expensive testing, we could never put our finger on what exactly was wrong with him. When he was diagnosed with glomerulonephritis, that answered a few questions, but didn't explain all that had been going on with him. In the end, it doesn't really matter...he is gone. I euthanized him on February 28.

When we bring an animal into our lives, it is with the knowledge that we will more than likely outlive them. Yet, we apparently feel that the years of companionship and unconditional love we receive are worth it. Knowing that they will not always be with us doesn't make it easier to say good-bye, but I do believe that it keeps our hearts open and full.

He was my love.