One Year Ago...

1. Today is the one year anniversary of Tag's death.
2. Already.
3. 
   
4. It is so very difficult for me to believe
5. I have been without him for this long.
6. 
   
7. Yet, here I am.
8. Without him.  

I have had several dogs throughout my lifetime...and all of them have been special to me.  In their own way.  But, don't you know...that brown boy grabbed hold of a larger place in my heart than any other...and certainly more than I ever could have imagined.  

I do not often speak of TagEButt...reason being that it has been almost impossible to do so without crying.  Until just recently.  

I really thought that it would be easier to leave him behind. To have this new apartment in this new location be a place that he had never been.  Wow. My imagination just didn't leave that alone.  Not.  At. All. For many months after moving here, I saw him in every single spot that one would imagine him being. On the new chair ottomans (after shoving the numerous pillows out of his way, of course).  In the new corner behind my chair. Squeezed under the new dining table. Under the light table in the sewing room.  Those flashes of seeing him here only made me miss him more.

For a very long time after last September 7, I knew that I would never have another dog.  The pain was that sharp...the grief that deep.  Proven again..."grief is the price we pay for love".  (click here)

A sort of chronological progress....

*On the day Tag died, I could only write:

My laughter.

My heart.

My always.

*In December, I wrote:

I have said this before...upon the loss of another of my dogs..."Grief is the price we pay for love."  It remains true today.

I think it does not help one little bit that I am dogless...with no dog by my side.  Before, there was always another one there to help me get through the pain and the loss.

Would I give up the 13 years of being with Tag to not feel what I feel now...grief so great that it feels as if I am wrapped in it?  No. Absolutely not.  The time I had with Tag was priceless.  He was the best spur of the 'yes, I'll take him' moment ever.  Ever.  And, once I am able to tuck him deep within my heart...to always be there with me, I'll be able to smile instead of cry with thoughts of him.

As it is now...it is difficult to breathe.  With almost every thought I have of him, I am on the verge of crying. Not just 'tears in my eyes' crying, but sobbing that completely overwhelms me.  I miss him with every breath I take...

*In March, I wrote:

Tango was my calm.

Cruiser was my love.

Allegra was my joy.

Tag...well, Tag was my laughter.

And, my heart. 

Which continues to weep.

It is only recently that I have begun to think that I might have another dog.  To consider what breed would be acceptable. Of course, no pets are allowed here, so I would need to move.  But, the fact that I see that day coming has given me hope that my heart is healing.  That I am almost ready to tuck Tag deep within.  To open my heart again.  To be able to just breathe...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.". Jeremiah 29:11

Alarming?

 

 

Tag

is

my

  

 

Since I retired, I no longer have the need to get up at 5:00 or 5:15 every morning.  I think that 6:00 is a good hour to get up.  To get Tag out for a short walk.  To start my day.  Since I retired, I no longer set my alarm.  No need to, right? 

Tag used to wait until my alarm rang before bothering me to get up and feed him.  Apparently, he has noticed that my alarm no longer rings.  I say this because he has designated himself to be my personal alarm clock. 

Since that first day.  Every morning.  Rain.  Shine.  Whether I've had 8 hours of sleep...or 4.  Whether I want to get up or not.  Course, I always want to get up, but he doesn't know that.  

Every. Single. Morning.

Tag has been my alarm clock.

My chocolate alarm clock.  He is spot on with the time, too.  I'm not joking.  When he nudges me...or woofs if I don't immediately react to his nudge...I open my eyes and roll over to look at the clock.  It reads 6:00.  Or 6:01.  He has an amazing clock inside that head of his.  And, he is determined to use it to help me out (of bed).  (I'm not stupid...Tag is helping me out to help himself out.  He gets me up so that I can feed him.  After all, food is his number one priority.  ~grin~)

I love this brown boy.





    
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.". Jeremiah 29:11

A Slight Delay with Curio...

I have gone as far as I am able to with my Curio quilt...for now.  I need more background fabric.  In my last post, I showed a photo with half the blocks done.  For the second half of the blocks, I have 9 A blocks and 1 B block done, as well as parts of the remaining 8 B blocks.   

**Word of advice...if you buy fabric for a quilt that you know you won't be working on right away, be sure to purchase everything you think you'll need to complete the quilt.  This is especially important if you are working with a specific fabric collection.  Some fabrics are gone in a snap and there you'll be.**

I wasn't sure I was going to find more, but I was fortunate.  I asked Lindy (my almost-birthday-twin who gave me the fabric last February) to check with the quilt shop she purchased it from...and they had some of what I needed!  YAY!  It will be here in a few days...and then I will resume working on the quilt. 

 I haven't been doing too much.  Took a lot of naps last week.  Not sure why, as I wasn't sick...just seemed tired all of the time.  I did a little reading and knitting, and, of course, spent time sitting in my big easy chair with the brown boy.  Once in awhile, the cat deigns to join us...

Being a big fan of American Idol, I am looking forward to this week...the start of Season 12.  It will be interesting to see how the new judges do.  Wednesday...Be There or Be Square.

I like using my crockpot.  It seems I use it more on the weekend.  It has come to my attention that there are now crockpots that are programmable, and have temperature probes!  Wowzee!  Mine is several years old and works just fine.  Yesterday, I made chili...

Today, I have chicken breasts in the crockpot.  Alas, no photo.

Well, I think that's all I have for now.  

Have a good evening and a quick and easy work week!  






"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.". Jeremiah 29:11

Still Creating...

Remember this?

Creating...from back here?

Almost 6 months ago...

time does fly.

 

Here are two more...

Sit.

Wait.

I quite like them.
What do you think?

And.  Yes.

The brown boy did pose for those.

Knew you were wonderin'...

{grin}

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   Jeremiah 29:11